My new tattoo. The flowers are around my Africa tattoo to represent Indonesia. 
I love it.

My new tattoo. The flowers are around my Africa tattoo to represent Indonesia. 

I love it.

More Confused than is Acceptable

Something is going on with me and I don’t know what it is.

I’m confused about everything.

I feel like I don’t have an identity.

Tired

I’m tired of being home… But even more so I’m tired of my family complaining about me. I’m tired of my sister not liking me and not even talking to me or looking me in the eyes and I’m tired of my brothers commenting on how bad they wish I would go back to Florida right now.

I’m tired of how I treat them but I don’t know how to change it when I just want to be left alone and not want to hang out with them. I know I haven’t been the best sister especially during this break and it kills me. I have just wanted people to leave me alone this break and apparently it’s coming off as something I never wanted it to be. 

No one wants me here anymore and that’s fine… I don’t really want to be here either.

It doesn’t matter…

"It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor or black or white or right or left or young or old - if you have the same disease as someone else or if you both have a daughter with an eating disorder or have a brother in jail or had a spouse die or recently were fired…

'you have a bond that transcends whatever differences you have.

'That's what suffering does.

'this is the art of solidarity.”

-Rob Bell
Drops Like Stars 

So, yeah…

My best friend kinda sorta just showed up in my town’s Pizza Hut all the way from Florida last week and stayed with me and we saw all the “great” things of Canton, Ohio and the surrounding area. May I just say that she’s the greatest and I love her to death.

Yes.

  • Society: You're not pretty enough. You're not thin enough. You're not tall enough. You'll never be popular.
  • Hollywood: You can't act. You can't sing. You aren't perfect. You have no talent.
  • School: You don't fit in. No one likes you. You're strange. You're different.
  • Parents: You're not good enough. You don't act the right way. You don't like the right things.
  • Jesus: I love you so much I took my own life for you. I made you just the way you need to be. I love you more than you can fathom. Come to me, and I will give you rest.
Someday, I’ll wear out my TOMS like this.

Someday, I’ll wear out my TOMS like this.

March 12, 2011

Margreth and Martina were walking with me today and they asked if I was going to be at school next week. I told them that tomorrow at church would be my last day. They stopped dead in their tracks and wanted to know why I was leaving. I told them that I had been here for a month and that my family and friends miss me. They told me that I could be in America for years so why couldn’t I stay a few more months. I didn’t have an answer. They also told me that they’re going to miss me more than my friends and family in America missed me.

I think that’s true.

65 Things I Learned While in Tanzania

I just found this again and it basically explains everything I learned from 2011 and not from that month in Tanzania. Here goes…

1. If I don’t say something intelligent approximately five times a day, I’ll die.
2. Mud in Tanzania is like ice in America.
3. If I don’t have my tunes I’ll go crazy.
4. I hate Sandy Patti and The Gaithers.
5. Being straight-forward is what I aim for.
6. Geckos will scare me every time I see them no matter how many times I see them.
7. I need to listen more than I talk.
8. Churches in Tanzania understand true worship. It’s not about lights, sound, and good singing…
9. You have to watch out for bones, rocks, and other gross things (like a caterpillar) when you eat.
10. I love wild animals and crazy roads.
11. I’m in love with the Massai people.
12. I want to gauge my ears.
13. Neema means “grace” in Swahili.
14. A girl named Neema stole my heart.
15. I’m way too selfish.
16. Some men want to marry me… Immediately… On the spot…
17. Wildebeest is delicious.
18. Aldersgate School is one of my favorite places on earth. Hmmm… A school being one of my favorite places… Weird. I hate school.
19. I love my friends. They mean everything to me and they never seem to realize it.
20. Alex is my boo… Bahahahaha This kid cracks me up when I talk to him on Facebook.
21. I think I’m a pacifist. (Now I KNOW I’m a pacifist.)
22. The smell of raw meat makes me nauseous.
23. It’s impossible to catch the wind. ;)
24. My life is just a vapor.
25. God likes to work how I don’t like him to work.
26. I never want to be lonely again and I refuse to be.
27. I never want to speak to my future husband like some women speak to theirs. I refuse.
28. The people of Tanzania love TOMS. I got so many compliments and someone asked me if I’d trade with her.
29. I have a purpose. I’m not worthless. (This is something I relearn all the time.)
30. I like to walk.
31. Aldersgate teachers are hilarious.
32. I thought I disliked kids.
33. Salome is the “Massai Girl”.
34. In Tanzania I feel beautiful. I’m going to have to move here.
35. I need to start living.
36. I need to stop gossiping. I know how much it hurts first-hand now and I refuse to do that to someone.
37. I hate when people go around-the-bush. Just hit me with it.
38. I’m considered “mother” to about twenty Tanzanian kids.
39. Tanzanian chai is way better than American chai.
40. I can confront people if I need to.
41. there are HUGE thorns in Tanzania.
42. My heart could become and was softened to kids.
43. “Faith Healers” actually exist.
44. I will never forget some kids faces. 
45. Tanzanian teenagers are nothing like American teenagers.
46. Tanzanian kids like to do the Funky Chicken.
47. It is possible for me to be soft and not be weak.
48. It’s possible for me to lose about ten pounds in one month without trying.
49. I refuse to whisper about things.
50. I hate when people whisper.
51. Snorting is the most nasty and unattractive thing to me.
52. Sighing is also annoying and unattractive.
53. I have a lot of pet-peeves.
54. I’m able to make a Tanzanian cry of sadness. :’(
55. I like to color, but only with Crayola.
56. I am able to be the one to engage the hug and not just be the recipient.
57. I will be missed more by the kids at Aldersgate than I ever would be missed by my American friends.
58. I’m considered attractive to Tanzanian men… That doesn’t happen to me very often in America.
59. God likes to show up… Right on time.
60. Honestly, I’ll miss my kids more than I missed anyone back home. 
61. I cry like a pansy.
62. I think God may be causing my head to go nuts so that I will follow what His will is.
63. I know songs that are what I need at any particular time.. Go-to songs, I guess.
64. Even though I’m willing to cry now, I’m scared to cry when I go home.
65. My heart is located with about five Tanzanian girls at Aldersgate.